Speaking of Which...

Have you ever noticed how often the phrase "speaking of which" is used incorrectly? Most of the time, it introduces a previously undiscussed topic of which you actually were not speaking. Also, there is a good chance that this new topic will be unpleasant. Most of the time, people use it because they can't think of any better way to tell you bad news, pin you down on a certain subject, or steer the conversation away from something he or she does not wish to discuss. So, for these sticky situations, here is a little advice on How to avoid the "speaking of which" trap.

1. Pull a double "speaking of which" on them. This is good for those tricksters who try to corner you into a conversation. Observe:

Person A: I love ice cream. Speaking of which, when are we going to finally go out on a real date?

Person B: Dates are expensive. Speaking of which, did you know that dates are the fruit of the palm tree, native to North Africa and the Middle East? When picking them, you should look for plump, evenly colored specimens. Oh, shoot! Look at the time! I've got to go...

2. The "speaking of which" that just keeps coming. This is good when someone is trying to avoid a topic and you feel it necessary to get them to fess up.

Person A: Hey B! How's it going?

Person B: Great! Hey, did you ever finish your part of the group project?

Person A: Wow, group projects are fun. Speaking of which, do you think blondes actually have more fun, or is that a myth?

Person B: Myth. Speaking of which, I am starting to suspect that your participation in our group project is a myth. Do you have it done yet? We need to turn it in today.

Person A: Today, tomorrow, what is the difference, really. Time is all relative. Speaking of which, my mom is coming into town tomorrow.

Person B: Good. Maybe she'll finish your work. Speaking of which, I need that in twenty minutes. Have it there. Or else.

Person A: Fine, I'll leave it in your box.

Person B: Nope, I'll come pick it up from you in twenty minutes. Thanks.

3. Flat out refusal, with a hint of distraction. This is good for those conversations you just don't want to have.

Person A: Today I saw this man getting out of a car with all his posessions. It was sad. Speaking of which, I think you and I need to talk about our relationship.

Person B: No. [smack] [run away]

If you use these techniques, you will be amazed at your skill in steering conversations. Just avoid using them on ninjas and grandmothers. Trust me.