Stranger Than Fiction

This post is not about a Will Ferrell movie. Although I liked that movie.

Okay, so today I'm dedicating this blog to a very rare medical condition that some of you may have heard me refer to in the past. Now, to clear this up, I do not sit around checking out WebMD. I have better things to do with my time... like...blog... and...er...other stuff. But that's beside the point. The point is that I lived with a medical student for 2 1/2 years, and we had "Disease of the Day." As a result, she may have been one of the top 3 contributors to the store of useless, and often alarming, knowledge in my brain.

What is this exotic ailment? Alien Hand Syndrome. I am serious. There is no more "scientific" name for this phenomenon. It is, however, sometimes referred to as "Alien Arm" or even "Dr. Strangelove Syndrome." This extraordinary condition is very rare (as in, about 50 documented cases since it was officially recognized by the medical community in the 1970s), and it is very very weird. Actually, it has been portrayed in movies and tv shows more times than the number of actual documented cases.

So what happens? It's pretty self-explanatory, actually. It's a condition where your brain gives direction to your arm to move, but it doesn't take direction from the other lobes about how and when to move. The arm's trigger is detached from your intent, or you might say, alien. Ahhh. [the light bulbs go off] So, you may grab a glass of water without knowing you are doing it. Or, in one or two cases, people have felt their arms creeping up to choke them. That is creepy and weird.

From one unnamed source (in other words, I can't specifically back it up), I have heard tell of an even less common version; in this turn of events, the alien arm will undo everything your non-alien arm does. For instance, if you try to open a door, the alien arm will close it. How rude.

Up till now, the medical community has been surprisingly lackadaisical about this condition. They apparently are more interested in curing cancer than curing alien arm. Since it doesn't actually "do any real bodily harm" they haven't put much into finding a cure. Instead, they advise victims to keep something in their hand to keep it busy. Now, I feel I must take offense on behalf of all the hapless victims of Alien Arm Syndrome out there. Solidarity, humans!

I do have to think, however, that it would be somewhat of a highlight for doctors getting to diagnose this syndrome. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to say, with your best sympathetic frown-smile, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but you have... alien arm. [stifled laughter that rises until Dr. Jones runs out into the hall, guffaws, and invites all his buddies to "come see this."]"

A Moment of Contemplation

Last night, my roommates and I were talking. One said, "Wow, I can still sort of feel on my foot where the pitchfork went in."

We had very different childhoods.

Parading Pachyderms and Other Perplexities

At 12:30 this morning/last night, I beheld a side of NYC that I had not yet seen. You wouldn't think that things could surprise me anymore here, but let me tell you! It was weird. It was strange. It was oddly exhilarating. What was this spectacle, you ask?

I saw TEN ELEPHANTS walk out of the Queens Midtown Tunnel into Manhattan and across 34th Street. Where were these mammoth specters going? Why, to Madison Square Garden, of course, to the circus! And apparently elephants don't fit in the subway tunnels or on trains. So they walk from Queens to Manhattan. At midnight.

Through the crowded streets, the elephants marched trunk-to-tail. The lead elephant was bedecked with a crimson saddle and an official-looking rider. Clowns ran around, waving at the audience, but people barely noticed them. Yes, the loxodonta cyclotii were the main attraction.

And, might I say, they were AWESOME.

Speaking of Which...

Have you ever noticed how often the phrase "speaking of which" is used incorrectly? Most of the time, it introduces a previously undiscussed topic of which you actually were not speaking. Also, there is a good chance that this new topic will be unpleasant. Most of the time, people use it because they can't think of any better way to tell you bad news, pin you down on a certain subject, or steer the conversation away from something he or she does not wish to discuss. So, for these sticky situations, here is a little advice on How to avoid the "speaking of which" trap.

1. Pull a double "speaking of which" on them. This is good for those tricksters who try to corner you into a conversation. Observe:

Person A: I love ice cream. Speaking of which, when are we going to finally go out on a real date?

Person B: Dates are expensive. Speaking of which, did you know that dates are the fruit of the palm tree, native to North Africa and the Middle East? When picking them, you should look for plump, evenly colored specimens. Oh, shoot! Look at the time! I've got to go...

2. The "speaking of which" that just keeps coming. This is good when someone is trying to avoid a topic and you feel it necessary to get them to fess up.

Person A: Hey B! How's it going?

Person B: Great! Hey, did you ever finish your part of the group project?

Person A: Wow, group projects are fun. Speaking of which, do you think blondes actually have more fun, or is that a myth?

Person B: Myth. Speaking of which, I am starting to suspect that your participation in our group project is a myth. Do you have it done yet? We need to turn it in today.

Person A: Today, tomorrow, what is the difference, really. Time is all relative. Speaking of which, my mom is coming into town tomorrow.

Person B: Good. Maybe she'll finish your work. Speaking of which, I need that in twenty minutes. Have it there. Or else.

Person A: Fine, I'll leave it in your box.

Person B: Nope, I'll come pick it up from you in twenty minutes. Thanks.

3. Flat out refusal, with a hint of distraction. This is good for those conversations you just don't want to have.

Person A: Today I saw this man getting out of a car with all his posessions. It was sad. Speaking of which, I think you and I need to talk about our relationship.

Person B: No. [smack] [run away]

If you use these techniques, you will be amazed at your skill in steering conversations. Just avoid using them on ninjas and grandmothers. Trust me.

Over the Hill With Mountains to Go

So, when my dad turned 40, we gave him this little snowglobe. Inside was a middle-aged man, and when you shook the thing, little black hairs floated all around. We thought we were pretty funny. (sidenote: We also thought it was funny when my nephew looked at him and said, "Grandpa, I can see my reflection on your head!)

So, for my 40th post, I've decided on a little self-indulgence. Here are 40 things I've been thinking about. If you have questions, answers, or comments, please pipe in at any time.

1. Has anyone else noticed the irony in Madoff's name? As in... he madoff with my money?

2. How do those ships get into the bottles anyway?

3. Tendency: I will make fun of something enough times (ex. Juilliard) that eventually the Lord will send me there or make me do it (ex. Juilliard). Does this mean that if I make fun of travel writers enough that someday I'll have (get) to do that?

4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5. Why is the song "Ma Na Ma Na" by the Muppets so dang addictive? Is it addictive to anyone else, or is that just me?

6. Whoever invented pajamas probably went straight to heaven.

7. Whoever invented high heels probably went straight to the other place.

8. Malarky just might be my new favorite word.

9. Why is Shia Labouf an action hero? Does anyone else have trouble taking him seriously? I see him and think "Even Stevens" and "Holes."

10. "Holes is a great movie. And book. Louis Sachar rocks my socks.

11. What is the wavelength of the spirit? (JK. That's for you Pres. Hedquist fans.)

12. I wonder if I've ever met one of the three Nephites.

13. I don't understand the whole Pluto as a planet/not a planet debate. When I recently read the definition of planet, it made me even more confused. I'm beginning to suspect that we're all making this up as we go along.

14. I love salty. I love sweet. I hate salty and sweet together.

15. Right now I don't have any songs in my head! This is a banner achievement. And weird.

16. I'm going to bet that by the end of this post I will have at least one song in my head again.

17. I have recently learned that I love driving golf carts. I also love to canoe. I wonder what other forms of transportation I would love. Donkey cart? Camel? Surf board?

18. For me, the phrase "It's just like riding a bike" doesn't apply so well. Apparently that's a skill that didn't stick. Just ask Katherine. Although in my defense, I couldn't even walk straight on the day in question. Inner ear problem, I swear.

19. Why does your inner ear affect your balance anyway?

20. This is a really long blog post. I hope people still read my blog after seeing it.

21. I'm accruing more and more m's. By May, I'll be Master of Music Megan Marie Mason. That is cool times five.

22. People tend to have memories of my doing weird things. I do not remember most of them. Either they are making them up, or I'm really good at blocking things out. I choose door #1.

23. I'd like to know where the expression "cool as a cucumber" came from. 10 points if you can tell me.

24... is a good tv show. But I only watched the first season.

25. This is how old I will be in about 8 months. It is also one of my favorite numbers. I love the number 5 and all its multiples. I have no idea why.

26. Babies love me. Toddlers love me. Kids over 10 love me. What happens in between?

27. Why are men from Mars and women from Venus? Why not Mercury and Saturn?

28. Why is "Romeo and Juliet" one of Shakespeare's most famous and beloved plays? When I finally read it, I realized it's not even in the running to be his best.

29. While I'm on the subject of Shakespeare-- some people say Francis Bacon was the actual author of Shakespeare's works and that he was a made-up persona. While I naturally shy away from this sort of conspiracy theory, I can't deny that there is some reason to think something of the sort. What do you think?

30. I found out recently that my roommate totally believes in several conspiracy theories. She is otherwise very normal.

31. I love Dutch art more than anything. Whether you are talking Vermeer, Steen, Rembrandt, or Van Gogh, I can't get enough of it. Why is that part of the world so talented?

32. Why do I despise Andy Warhol and love Miro? I don't get it.

33. Why does oppression make the arts thrive? Take Russia for example. Think about the literature, art, music, and dance that has come out of that part of the world for centuries, during centuries of oppression. It seems like they knew the full range of the human spirit and the cruelties and miracles of which humans are capable.

34. I have three great uncles named Merrill, Lynn, and Monroe. I was the only one in my family who put that together (marilyn monroe). Weird. I would have thought someone else would have caught that.

35. The other day I laughed so hard I cried. I had forgotten how good that feels.

36. Am I the only person who feels like my life path doesn't take me from Point A to Point B but instead goes to Point X? I look back on some of my life and shake my head in disbelief.

37. I have had several dreams literally come true. The other night I was packing and couldn't find my jacket. I dreamed that it was in an inside zipper in my suitcase. The next morning I awoke, looked in that zipper, and sure enough. It was there. Cool, eh?

38. What are dreams, for reals?

39. World War II affects me deeply. I feel connected to all the stories and history of it. I have been to Normandy, and it is hallowed ground. When I learn more about it, I am even more grateful to the brave men and women who fought for life and innocence. I think this war gets to me all the more because it is sort of the most recent where there was a clear picture of right and wrong.

40. There are hundreds of people who have passed in and out of my life. I remember many of them, and they are more important to me than they realize. I wonder where many of them have ended up. Some have popped up in the oddest places, and it has been wonderful to reconnect with them. I hope that I have affected their lives for good as they have mine.

Happy 40th everyone!

Big News!

Hey everyone! So, it's official. I'll be spending the next two years at University of Colorado-Boulder with my string quartet. We'll be studying with the Takacs Quartet, and I'll be getting my doctorate at the same time. Since we've made it official, I've had John Denver songs running through my head. I guess you could say I'm on a Rocky Mountain high.

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Connecticut

Ever think "Connecticut" is a weird word? Hmm.

Anyway, today I went there. While I waited for the train, I saw this:

Let me point out the fact that this is the Y2K Communications store. And it "does jewelry on promises." Yes, I think we've found a winner. For the life of me, I can't figure out whether they meant to put "premises" or if they really DO do jewelry on "promises," whathever that means. Again, hmmm.

Once I got to Connecticut (seriously, sounds more weird every time), I found a parade going on. Now, this was your typical St. Patrick's Day parade, albeit a few days early. It had your fife and drum bands and your pipers. It had cloggers and your beauty queen (Miss Connecticut '09). All in all, it wasn't super impressive. Until I saw this:

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. Those are indeed very funny hats on silver-haired gentlemen. And they are really teeny tiny cars. To be exact, they are the Stamford Pyramid Shriners, and they're showing the world that there's no recession big enough to counteract the mid-life crisis. If you can't go buck wild and get the 'vette, then steal your kid's go-cart. Same diff.

Rather fruitful day, don't you think?

New Blog!

Hey fellow bloggers and bloggerettes. Check out my new blog, teslaquartet.blogspot.com. It's all about my string quartet, and it's a great place to find our upcoming concerts, news, etc. Tell your friends!

In The Which I Reveal Another Deep Dark Secret

I just found out I like golf.

Seriously. I know that's kind of freaky, but I just spent the past two days at the driving range, and I hit five in a row today. I think I actually enjoyed it too!

Here's the rundown of what else I did this week:
sauna, massages (2), eating (soooooo much foooood), eating, eating, quartet concerts (2), eating, cocktail parties, golf cart driving (those are now right up there with canoes on my favorite transportation list), sitting in the sun, swimming in the pool, networking, schmoozing.

On top of it all, I spent the week with lovely people who are crazy wealthy and also incredibly down to earth. They truly believe in investing in the arts, and they went out of their way to make sure my quartet had a wonderful and relaxing time.

Mission soooooo accomplished.

From the Lap of Luxury

There are many words that could describe my vacation in Florida thus far. I will pick these: golf carts, free, $200 million, gardens, 80 degrees, orange trees, pool house, dinner jacket.

Awesome.

Because That's Just The Way I Am

Hey everyone! Just another little shout out from DC. What did I do the instant I got off the bus, you ask? What else... I went to the International Spy Museum. Don't pretend you're surprised.

It was actually better than I thought it might be. I learned a lot about spies throughout history, the modern collection of intelligence, and many interesting facts about espionage.

Oh yeah, and I climbed through ceiling ducts, learned how to bug buildings (I have since learned some interesting things in Alexis's apartment), and checked out James Bond's first Aston Martin. Awesome. Hint: some of this information may make it into next week's HOW TO. Anyway, on that suspensful note, I'm going to go now. Er. Bye? Um. Have a good week? Awkward. Boxen.

The Adventure Begins

Now blogging live from our nation's capitol. (capital? I can never keep those straight.) Yes, the spring break adventure begins, and it looks... promising. After all, my good friend Alexis is involved. Anyway, I'll keep you all posted (tee hee, punintentional I promise!) throughout the next week-and-a-half. See you soon.

Ye Olde Spring Break

Today doth that fleeting passage come

Which spreads its lovely wings

Above the sick and stressful past

Caused by school and other things.

Two weeks of bliss in which to find

A zen, a break from toil.

To rid myself of viola brain

That causes me to shout "Needs oil."

A vacation by any other word would not smell as sweet. Can we say "timely"?