Filling My Reservoir

Yesterday I went to the Frick Collection, one of my favorite museums in NYC (although I feel that I say that about every museum except the Guggenheim). It's amazing. It's the personal collection of one Henry Clay Frick, a big steel magnate who was in business with the likes of the Rockefellers and Vanderbilts in the late 1800s-early 1900s. His goal was to purchase art that was "easy to live with," and that really comes through in the viewing of it. There is nothing brash, aggressive, or violent. Although there are many shades of human history, landscapes, portraits, and objects, the pieces inspire thought and reflection, never offense. As my friend Elliot said to me yesterday, "It's like dessert for the eyes."

The collection is housed in Frick's 5th Avenue mansion, built with its display in mind. Frick always intended to leave his art to the public upon his death, and he went to great lengths to arrange the works in an interesting manner. It is a completely unique viewing experience, because nothing is in chronological order, and you will see an ancient Ming vase atop a 16th Century French table, underneath an El Greco, flanked by 15th Century Italian alterpieces. This may seem chaotic at first, but it makes you see the art in a different, more holistic and global, way.

Mr. Frick truly loved his collection. It's said that at night he would go downstairs and stare at his artworks (especially a self-portrait by Rembrandt) for hours. He said, "I only hope that the public will gain even half the enjoyment I have from these works." Well, he certainly touched me. Going to the collection yesterday was the perfect foil for the chaos and stress in my life right now. I found myself smiling, laughing, even crying as I beheld the outpouring of the human soul. It refreshed me for the challenges of the next two weeks, and it enriched my soul.

To me, Henry Frick is the ultimate art benefactor. I love seeing what he chose to include and what he chose to exclude. Whatever his reasons, his spirit and love for the arts, both visual and decorative, shines forth when you have the privilege of walking these halls. I just feel like saying thank you, Mr. Frick, for having a love of beauty and peace and for making that passion available to all those who came after you. This post is dedicated to you and to the wonderful centuries of artists who share your dedication.

For more information on the Frick go http://www.frick.org/.

Some Days You're the Bug...Today I'm the Windshield

I've had many surprises today. One was bad: I came home, opened the door to the apartment building, and thought "wow, that really stinks; someone's fire alarm or something is going off, and it's LOUD." Turns out, it was mine. And it wasn't something so simple as a fire alarm. Someone had broken our door buzzer, and managed to break it off, and the buzzer was crying out in all its sadness for us to help it. It didn't stop. I called the super and then left the place. Thankfully, he rescued me (he is the SUPERintendent after all), and by the time I got home it was fixed (inside, we still no longer have a doorbell. Awesome.). Bad surprise. It made me feel like this lady. (see illustration)

On the upside, I got a call from my brother-in-law saying he was in town for some work meetings and would I like to meet for dinner. We went to Lombardi's Pizza (America's first pizza parlor or so they claim) and Rice To Riches for dessert (Coldstone but with rice pudding--- only in NYC). It was a real slice [ba dum bum ch]. I never get a chance to talk to him one on one, and we had a great time. Good surprise.

While We're On the Subject of Tofu

Mystery meatless

White, foamy, rubbery cube.

People eat this stuff?

For the Sporty Crowd

Now that's a bad way to go.

Somedays you're the toreador, somedays you're the bull.

Either way=horns.

Somedays I'm Glad I Took the Subway

Today is sooooo one of those days.

I have a new favorite. This favorite (almost) replaces my old favorite, the pigeon man, who walks around with a hunting cap and vest full of pigeon feathers, cooing at people. My new favorite showed up today at the 72nd Street stop.

cue intensely dramatic Old West music here.

The train stopped. The doors flung open and in sauntered the New York Cowboy. His heavy steps echoed, the clink of his spurs reverberating off the rounded walls of the 2 train. All fell silent as he gave a hard stare, hands on hips, to his surroundings. As he decided all was well, the doors closed behind him. He was a sight to behold, in all his leather-clad glory. From the carefully groomed handlebar mustache to the Wrangler jeans to the boots, he radiated nothing but machismo. Suddenly, the train lights glinted off his belt buckle, the one that said Buster in big gold letters, and the passengers in the train knew this was one tough buckaroo. He sensed his stop coming up, and he grabbed onto the ceiling to steady himself and show off his unconcealed guns. A woman swooned. As the doors reopened and he stepped out to 86th Street, I could have sworn he smiled, just a little, and tipped his hat. Then, as quick as he appeared, he was gone.

Yeah, it totally happened that way.

Exploitation 101

This week's how to is brought to you by the NPR special "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me." Love it. If I did a "how to" be entertained while feeling smart that you're getting some current events, this radio show/podcast would be the answer. Today, however, I'd like to tell the story of one Chinese company's economic ingenuity.

For starters, China's products have been getting their fair share of negative press lately. This turn of events has led to talks about redeeming their reputation for quality and substance. What happened next is a matter of conjecture (I'm inclined to think nepotism was at play) but someone decided to go with the old mantra "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em... or whatever the equivalent statement is in Chinese. Whoever is to blame (I mean, praise), he/she is a genius. That person or group of persons has figured out how to live the dream- make maximum profit with minimum effort. Yes, they have figured out

how to succeed in business without really trying.

What's more, they have figured it out in the middle of a global economic crisis. And I'm sooooo not talking about the musical. Here's a hint: Bucksstar.

This is not a typo. In Nanjing, a city just outside Shanghai, a new "star" is born. Bucksstar Coffee. A little obvious, you think? Well, that's the idea. Bucksstar is part of a new "brand" of shopping mall-- a mall devoted entirely to knock-offs. Yes, in the counterfeit capital of the world, shoppers now know exactly what to expect in what they're buying. After all, in these days of economic downturn, folks don't have the cash to pay for brands, do they? So, what do we do, boys and girls? That's right! We capitalize on people's problems! Very good. Anyway, besides this beauty of a coffee shop, the unsavvy shopper can eat at McDnoald's, Pizza Huh, and Cinnabun. They can get a faker fake tan at Califronia Tan. They can shop at Abercronbie & Fetch. And to boot, they can get toys at... wait for it... wait for it... TOYS SCAR US! As Peter Sagal said, "Well, at least that one's honest."

Apparently, not everyone in China thinks this is a good direction to go in. There have been such outbursts as, "Not every shopper is brand conscious so a lot of people will walk into these stores thinking they are getting the real thing," and "The whole idea of this mall is just plain dishonest. Some fakes are done light-heartedly to be funny, but these stores look so much like the real thing people are going to feel cheated." Really people, how dare you!?!

I think it's brilliant. I'm sooo waiting for an exact duplicate of this mall to crop up in NYC. I mean come on! It's only fitting that the counterfeit mall be counterfeited. And then we can have all the fun of all the lawsuits rolling in. So, a word of advice... if you decide on this course of action, make sure you have a lawyer who can handle it. And make sure he/she is brand name.

New Blog Section: A Haiku For You

Mystery

Dripping liquid splats
On weary passenger's nose
Yuck. The subway's gross.

And For My More Unruly Readers

I know you've all missed my HOW TO's since I took my holidays. Up till now, we've covered culinary arts, decorative arts, and horticulture, so today I thought I would focus on an area that I have become somewhat of an expert in (I mean, "someone I know" has become the expert. Whew, close one)- government. Today, I would like to teach you how to...

take over a country.

I cite as my primary sources of information on the subject

1) Neil Zawacki

2) my brain

3) Branjelina

Step 1:

If you're looking to take over a country, or even a small city or state, you're going to need a really cool name. See #3 source. If you need some guidance for picking your malevolent / benevolent dictator/revered demigod name, then my advice is to think big, but not too big. For instance, Lady Ironheart is good. It's direct and to the point but doesn't sound ridiculous like Master Devil Maggot. Remember, good taste is important, and you want to choose a name you can live up to.

Step 2:

Once you have a name for your minions/citizens/adoring fans to call you, you need a plan. A good plan. A foolproof plan, especially important, because if you are working with someone else, he/she is probably a fool. Remember, there's only room for one at the top. That said, you probably will have to depend on some poor lurch to get you there, so make sure you pick a good flunky/sidekick. Some good options are: robot warriors, dependent cousins, ninjas, and computer programmers. Some options to steer clear of include: armies of the undead (too messy), demented clowns (too creepy), and moms (too bossy). Really though, if you can come up with a plan that eliminates the middle-man altogether, that is best.

Step 3:

About the plan. There are sooooooo many ways these things can go wrong, so you need to cover your bases. Some things to consider: length of time to execute your takeover, all personnel, all backup personnel, transportation (could be a gondola, could be teleportation, be creative!), tools (some essentials for any good plan: deathrays, bobby pins, pliers, chia pets, etc.). This is just a bare minimum, you understand. Before all else, you must be thourough!

Step 4:

In executing your plan, know that things will change. However perfect you are, people are capricious, and natural disasters sometimes happen. Be flexible but firm. Don't show any sign of weakness. Weakness is lame. If a mistake occurs (not something I know from personal experience, btw) then know who to blame. Pointing fingers deflects negative attention away from you and makes everyone see that you are powerful.

Step 5:

Once you have taken over the country/state/city/high school, you need to do a little marketing. Sometimes there are those who would challenge your authority. Make sure everyone knows that this is not an option. Again, be creative. Even consider using a little kindness, in front of cameras of course. Like Oprah. If you do it right, no one, that's correct, NO ONE will challenge you ever again.

So, there you have it folks. Remember NASPEM- name, sidekick, plan, execute, marketing. Do this, and you will have a clear path to the top.

Happy plotting, er, planning.

Welcome a New Year

Home = awesome.

Just thought you should all know.

Happy New Year to all my dear friends and family. I like to start the new year out with a laugh, so here's a story that will perhaps bring one to you:

My nieces are hilarious. While they were home, they passed a restaurant called "The Mad Greek," which was unfortunately missing an r. One of my nieces consequently thought the place was "The Mad Geek." Several weeks later, they came to Utah and saw a restaurant of the same name. She said, "Oh! There was an r missing! Now I get it."

My other niece thinks for a minute and says, "The Madder Geek"?