No Matter Where I Go...

So, I'm in Vail. In between the hours I'm staking out Lindsay Vonn's house, my quartet is playing in schools and performing. So, today the woman who hired us took us to lunch at this really great little Italian restaurant in Avon. We sat there waiting for the restaurant to open (yep, it was a bit early) and who should pull up but the Domino's Pizza guy. We thought for a second that he was lost, but no. He was delivering a pizza. To the Italian restaurant. Oh, the sweet irony.

Junkie

That's what I am... I get way too emotionally wrapped up in the Olympics. Seriously. I realized this was getting serious last summer olympics when Michael Phelps had that unbelieveable race, you know, the one where it didn't look like he touched first? When it happened, I jumped up, screamed my head off (and you know me... not a screamer), and ran around the house. Well, last night I had my worst fears confirmed when I took Evan Lysacek's win over that jerky Plushenko guy as a personal victory. When he was skating, my heart started racing, my stomach clenched up, and my hands were balled up into fists. Is this what actual sports fans experience on a game-to-game basis? I want to know. I also want to know how you're not in the hospital yet for bleeding ulcers.

Now I Know My ABC's

So, over Christmas, I was playing a game with the fam, and it turned... as it does so often... silly. But it got me thinking; children are our future, after all, and it's about time someone stepped up to educate them. And that person should (not) be me.

Since I've had this epiphany, I've put it into action. So prepare yourselves. I'm talking fuzzy slippers, roaring fire, and a mug of hot cocoa, because it's story time. Sit back and relax and read this fun and educational story I like to call...

Baby's First Political ABC's

A is for absolutism: the awesome exercise of complete and awesomely unrestricted power in government.
B is for Blagojevich: inspiring story really... you can be a total creep and still get a reality show, even if your political career goes down the tubes. Proof that it's good to keep your options open.
C is for California: lots of votes- keep in mind when choosing a spouse.
D is for Camp David: ka-ching!
E is for electoral college: though they say your vote counts...
F is for filibuster: worked for Mr. Smith, works for you. First rule of politics- you don't need to have anything to say. Just keep talking.
G is for gerrymandering: securing votes by changing electoral boundaries to your advantage.
H is for "Hiking the Appalachian Trail."
I is for impeachment: let us learn from Johnson and Clinton.
J is for juggernaut: a massive, inexorable force that seems to crush anything in its way.
K is for katie courick: she may seem innocent, but she has a dark side. Just ask Sarah Palin.
L is for lobbyist: morality is a tricky thing. So is taking favors.
M is for me: which is what politics are all about.
N is for North Korea and nuclear bombs.
O is for outlays: monetary expenditures. See "P."
P is for presidential perks: limo, airplane, helicopter, house, food, billiards, pools, parties, staff, protection, library, retirement... all this can be yours if the price is right.
Q is for quota: some things take precedence over being qualified.
R is for right wing: pick a side and stick to it, unless of course it becomes unpopular.
S is for speechifying: Can I get an Amen!?
T is for think tank- I always picture those guys with big foreheads.
U is for unaffiliated voter: the underdog's best friend.
V is for vice-president: because everybody needs a scapegoat.
W is for White House: Welcome to Pennsylvania Avenue. We've been expecting you.
X is for politics x: Danger, danger.
Y is for youth of America: they're our future. If only we could get them to pull up their pants.
Z is for zoo (a.k.a. DC): where the politicians live.

How Do You Say "I Love You?"

So, I've got XM Radio in my car. It is one of my most treasured possessions. Seriously. Huuuuge fan. On that XM, I've got the Old Radio channel, where I listen to "Fibber McGee and Molly," "The Shadow," "Burns and Allen," "Our Miss Brooks," and many other old radio gems. I am becoming such a junkie. Anyway, while I was listening the other day, they advertised for what, in my view, is the most ridiculous Valentine's Day website yet... bigplush.com.

I visited the site today, and I found out that you can say "I love you" with a 6-ft. rose that has a little teddy bear clinging to it, a 40 lb. smiling ape, or a 5 ft. tall t-rex wearing a shirt that says, "I ate the teddy bear. Happy Valentine's Day."

Now, don't those sound like heartfelt gestures. The thing is, I'm very, very tempted to buy that t-rex for my friend. I think it would be the funniest delivery ever. But, since you have to shell out serious dough, maybe I'll stick to the classics. I guess if you wanted to go along the same lines, you could buy a teddy bear, draw on some bruises and teeth marks, and put a t-shirt on it that says, "I fought off a t-rex to tell you that I love you. Happy Valentine's Day." Hmmm. Possibilities.