That Lovin' Feeling

So, in this, the month of lurve, [snicker, facepalm], I've decided to do a special holiday edition of HOW TO.

This can apply to all of you out there. Whether you have a crush on someone or simply want to show your loved one that you care, you can accomplish a lot simply by making a really great Valentine. Creativity counts, but if you need to get the juices flowing, here are some ideas of things that are sure to bring joy to your special someone:

1. For the long-term couple. You will need a heart keychain, a silver key, and a black magic marker (thin tip). Attach the heart keychain to the silver key. Upon the key write the words "key to my heart." Awww. This should instantly bring a smile and a tear to your bf/gf's eyes.

2. For the countrified couple, you can make a wonderful Valentine. You will need: scissors, glue, paper, and the John Deere catalog. Cut out pictures of tractors and lawn mowers. Fold a white sheet of paper the hot-dog way. On the front, paste the pictures. Inside, write "I find you mower and mower atractorive every day."

Instant gold.

3. For the city dwellers, a nice piece of artwork says you care. If you're a little short on cash, nothing says romance like papier macher. Or something like that. You will need: lots of wallpaper paste/glue, newspaper or other paper torn into long strips, and gold spray paint. You know the drill. Get to sculpting, turning these mere scraps into a lovely bust of you to put in your special friend's home. When dried, spray the whole thing with gold spray paint, to simulate a fine metal sculpture. It will always remind them of you, and it will serve as a conversation piece for posh dinner parties.

4. For you men: women love a manly man. And who is more manly than the likes of Davy Crockett or Paul Bunyon. The last one is even named similarly to a foot problem... super manly. That is why I propose you go whole hog this Valentine's Day. You will need: a coonskin cap, some sort of leathery fringed jacket, and a banjo. Oh, and probably banjo lessons. Combine all ingredients. Go see your beloved. Let her know just how beloved she is by singing her this song:

I went walking in the woods

To shoot myself a deer.

I turned around and suddenly

In my heart was a spear.

It was your lovely face I saw

Inside that blessed wood.

You looked fine as a porcupine,

Except for twice as good.

That first look took me in real fast,

The second even more.

By our first date I couldn't even

Stand outside your door

Without my heart a-poundin'

And my palms a-sweatin' too.

And so that brings me here today

To sing my tale to you.

If you will only say you will

Be mine for all the time,

Then I'll go shoutin' down the street

And up the farthest climb.

We'll settle in that blessed wood.

I'll love you every way.

So say you'll be my misses now

Upon this Valentine's Day.

So there you have it, folks. Four different ways you can bring a little love to this Valentine's. Don't say I never helped you out!