This week, I'd like pay homage to the many years I have spent in school, as well as the many more that I will spend (I'm in danger of never actually leaving academia). All these years, with all the papers and the presentations, have taught me something that I would now like to pass on to you, my dear blog readers. In fact, I have been using this skill while writing this blog. In fact, I am using this skill right now. (See how useful it is?)HOW TO... convince people you know what you are talking about when in fact you haven't the slightest clue.
1. The tone in which you say something plays a crucial role in this process. In fact, it may be the most important step. That is why it is placed in the #1 slot. If you sound confident, that carries over to your audience. I like to use this tone on stage when introducing a piece, in church when giving a lesson, or at an art museum. Especially at an art museum. Tip: Keep your voice low and steady, and don't talk too fast. If you talk too quickly, you sound like you have something to prove or you are nervous. If you speak clearly and slowly, at a medium volume, people will think you are master of the situation. Be careful not to get too loud, as that screams "I love the sound of my own voice and expect everyone else to love it too."
2. Expand your vocabulary beyond two-syllable words. You should be able to use many different words in their correct contexts. A caution should be inserted here though: do not, I repeat, DO NOT use a word if you are not sure of its pronunciation or meaning. Malapropisms will make you sound like a poser. Seriously. And yes, I am aware that I just used malapropism and poser in the same sentence. That brings me to my next point:
3. Keep it light. Add some humor, but keep it on an intellectual level appropriate to your audience. Never use potty humor. Also, sarcasm does not go over well if you want to be taken seriously, and it doesn't come out at all if you are putting your thoughts down in writing. It can quickly alienate or offend those around you. Basically, unless you are Voltaire, steer clear of sarcasm. Puns can be surprisingly appropriate, as they usually imply some level of knowledge on the part of the speaker and listener. Just use them sparingly. (Note: I am fully aware of the fact that I use pun after pun in regular conversation. I love them. In fact, I lurve them. But, I do try not to use them in mixed company.)
4. Grammar counts. Trust me, I hated that class just as much as you did, but it is important. It's surprising (in a bad way) how many people cannot construct a proper sentence. I find that my perception of someone's intelligence when they're addressing a group jumps about fifty points if they don't dangle their participles.
5. You really don't need to know everything. Sounding as if you know everything may be
accomplished by simply knowing when to keep your mouth shut. Listen, pick up on verbal cues, and express your opinion when asked, using the methods listed above. If you do this, people will assume you are well-informed. If this makes you uncomfortable, and you have the chance, research a situation a little before going into it. Get to know a few basic facts, and then elaborate on one or two of them. That way you have a base, and you have something real you can contribute.If you follow these five simple rules, you will be sure of success. In fact, you can even be believable saying something like "The artist photographed "Purple Hippopotamus On an Escalator" at 11:30 pm after a one-month hunger strike. It symbolizes man's search for the perfect sandwich in an unsure economy, and the steps he will take for satisfaction. The escalator rises, anticipating the euphoric feel of a full stomach and a peaceful existence."
Happy truth extending, everyone.
