Yesterday, on my way out of town, I stopped at a gas station to fill up before reentering the enormously overinflated price zone that is the Aspen/Snowmass area. I was standing at the pump when a man rode through on his bike. He was super tan, tattooed, and wearing a knit cap with no shirt. He was also late-thirties to early-forties. He looked at me and said, "You have beautiful hair. You also have a beautiful smile." Then he left without another word. I have to say, it made my day.
While living in NYC, I got hit on... a lot. Now, this has absolutely nothing to do with my looks. It has everything to do with the fact that I am female and alive. When I first lived there, the whistling and catcalls were a bit disconcerting, but over time, they became a welcome dose of self-affirmation. I learned to love New Yorkers for the very trait that upsets most of the rest of the world- their tendency to say whatever pops into their heads.
It definitely wasn't all catcalling, either. One of my best friends came for a visit one time. We dropped her luggage off at my apartment, and then we walked outside. When we reached the first corner, a woman began ranting and raving about how I invaded her personal space (although you'll have to trust me when I say I had absolutely NO desire to enter her personal space bubble). We crossed the street accompanied by the dulcet tones of her shouting, and we came to another corner. This time a truck full of men honked and whistled at us as we crossed. I turned to her and said, "Welcome to the Big Apple."
Lately I've been thinking about my friends past and present. I've noticed that those from my religious background are much less likely to pass along both compliments and critiques than those who are not. This phenomenon, I believe is brought on by the desire in our culture to always be kind but not to lead people on. I'm thinking, though, that the New Yorkers have discovered an opportunity to move past the obvious into actually getting to know a friend. I've decided to take a page out of their book; I'm hereby dedicating myself to a new goal-- be more emotionally honest. It's not that everyone off the street needs to know my current state of mind...chaos would ensue in most states. But, I'm going to be more forthcoming with compliments, more aware of how things affect me and others, and discuss more readily things that upset me so as to actually work them out rather than bottling them up inside, hopefully culminating in a better balance and more zen-like frame of mind.
So, here's to all those New Yorkers who believe in letting people know exactly where they stand (and where they should and should not be standing).
2 comments:
A couple weeks ago I was in Detroit near the DIA when I passed a couple middle-aged locals on the street. One of them looked me up and down as I passed and I got a string of guy-on-the-street-hitting-on-you compliments from one of them "Woo, long and lean!" " I'll be seeing you later!" and so on. Maybe I should have been creeped out, but I was with a male friend, I felt perfectly safe, and mostly I was just kind of flattered. Although obviously I want people to like me for my personality and intellect and all that, I found it kind of nice for a random stranger to notice me for my looks and to feel like a woman :).
No filter. yes. :)
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